It was one year ago, today, that we began the adoption process….really?  Its hard to believe, honestly.
 
Jay said “You need to blog something…its been a year.”   So here I sit trying my darnedest to think of something to say.

No words.  Just tears.

I cant even explain the emotion.  There is deep gratitude for all that God has done…seriously…it still boggles my mind when I recap the ways He has worked to get us to where we are today.  No doubt this is His plan for us.  Our faith has increased.  Blessings have been plentiful.  Our dependence on Jesus… more and more each day.  I wouldn’t change anything.

Most days I stand solid in the knowledge that my God has a plan and it is great and it will be greater than any plan I could conjured up myself.

But today, I’m a puddle. Cause waiting is hard and sometimes head knowledge doesn’t feel the same as heart knowledge.  The two know the same truths but one feels more deeply than the other and sometimes crying is the only way to completely release the depth of those feelings to Jesus when the heart hurts so much.

It isn’t a cry of disappointment but a cry of release.  A warrior cant go on forever.  They need rest.  They need to rebuild their strength, so they come off of the battlefield for safety, to rest & to find replenishment.  I am resting in the safety that Jesus IS.

I spent some time reading through my Burundi journal tonight and there was an obvious theme through out…I believe it is our hearts longing.  Over and over I write “We just want to KNOW them, Lord.”  As much as we want that referral, so that we can know their names, see their sweet faces and finally LOOK at them…we want to wake to them in our home and live our lives with them both as much a part of our family as our bio kids are today.

It is something amazing to be “known”.  Every person on this planet lives to be known and so when I think of our kids in Burundi and how lonely they may be…the air is sucked from my lungs..I. Can. Not. Breath.  I have to run to Jesus and release those emotions to Him.  Have to.  Or I pretty much want to punch somebody…just saying.  Instead, I cry (you’re welcome person closest to me at the time) and EVERY SINGLE TIME the Holy Spirit whispers…“I  know them.”  And I can breath again.  And I don’t want to punch anyone anymore. And I am beyond grateful because Jesus knows them and me and loves me still…even when I feel like punching someone. That’s pretty much awesome and hard to believe, but true.

So, here we are at a year and we are more dependent on Christ.  We trust Him more and so if it takes another year, so be it.

There are no new updates.  Central Authority still has not met but you bet your bottom dollar that we will shout it from the rooftop when they do!!!! (Totally singing Annie songs in my head now)  Ok- Jay wont shout anything…I’m the shouter…but he’ll be happy to share with anyone who asks. 🙂

Thanks for your support and friendship this last year.  We have Rock Stars for friends.

Love,